We all have fears. Fear as a human emotion has existed since the beginning of time, as part of our inherent survival instinct. Our default setting is to ensure that we are safe. Our minds are constantly analyzing situations for risk and danger. This may be crossing the street or meeting a new person. We are permanently weighing the pros and cons with regard to people and our environment. What often arises from what took place to protect us on a single occasion turns into a habit or belief. Some of these habits and beliefs serve us well, while others tend to limit us.
Those habits that limit or stop us from doing things in life can leave us feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, and we don’t want that to be our normal state of mind.
Where do these fears and limiting beliefs come from? The past. At some point in the past, something happened and we made a decision. We didn’t like what happened and, therefore, we decided it was best to be avoided in the future.
Let’s take the example of Simon, an IT specialist looking for a new job. He went for several interviews last week and didn’t get a single callback or offer. He felt dejected and decided he was terrible at interviews. He questioned himself and how good he actually was at his job. He started to think nobody wanted to employ him. This may seem like a fairly “normal” reaction, but let’s look a little deeper.
Last week, which is in the past, he went for several interviews, which is where he created this decision about how nobody wants to employ him. That decision was carried from the past into the present moment. He has that now as a belief. So going forward into the future, he will take that belief and, therefore, the associated attitude into any future interviews he may have. What is the likely outcome of those interviews? They probably will in line with his beliefs about not being successful.
Therefore, Simon’s past beliefs are creating limitations in his future.
Any event that takes place is entirely neutral. Each of us adds our own personal interpretation to that event. This is natural and something we cannot avoid. However, what we then tend to do is to make that interpretation mean that it’s the truth. Rather than seeing our interpretation is separate from the event itself, we see it as the same thing.
Let’s go back to Simon and look at the interviews with a different interpretation. The first interview he went to, they actually were looking for someone with three years more experience than he had, but the recruitment agent still thought it would be worth him attending the interview, as he learns quickly. The employer also knew this and gave him the benefit of the doubt, but they really wanted someone with experience that he didn’t yet have. They liked him, were impressed with his attitude, and told him that should a vacancy open up in the future, they would love to have him work there.
The second interview was a little different and was going well up to the point that they started to talk about the fact that he would be required to work on the weekends. Simon is a keen sportsman and is a member of a cycling club, which also forms part of his social community. This is important to him and he is not willing to give up all of his weekends. He is flexible and willing to work occasionally, but not every weekend. Following that discussion, his level of enthusiasm waned as, in his mind, he already had decided he didn’t want the job.
The third interview went well, and they really liked him. The decision was between him and another candidate. They chose the other candidate for purely financial reasons. Simon had the experience they wanted, but because of recent budget cuts, the department had limited resources. So, despite the fact that they wanted Simon, they had to choose a less able but cheaper candidate in the hopes of training him over time. It would have been two steps backward for Simon.
So if we look at the facts, they can be clearly separated from the meaning Simon attached to what happened. Taking this into consideration, we could easily hypothesize many different beliefs. One possibility is that Simon knows what he is worth and what he wants, and is not willing to settle.
Overcoming these limiting beliefs is a three-step process:
- Notice your habits.
- Accept them as they are.
- Choose to create something new in line with your goal.
Once you start to notice these habits and begin to distinguish the truth and the interpretation that we gave to the habit, we can accept things as they are and then choose a new attitude that falls more in line with the results we seek to achieve. When creating something new, one of the best ways tools to achieve this is to make a promise. There are three parts to a promise:
- To make a promise or not
- To keep your promise or not
- The attitude toward that promise
By making a declaration of your intention, you take steps to make your choices more conscious and, therefore, allow your habits to have less of a hold over you. The question, “What am I committed to create?” is a powerful question to use. It sets the platform for creating something new. Results are not guaranteed, but there is a possibility of creating something that was not created before and achieving a result that was not achieved before.
You are coming from a place where nothing is guaranteed, but everything is possible.
Daryl Seager is a business trainer and coach and the head of the International Department at New York-based Business Relations, which specializes in working with companies to inspire, re-engage employees, and achieve extraordinary financial results though changing attitudes, creating teams, and transforming culture. Seager graduated from the University of Leeds with a degree in French and Business Management in June 2000. He spent many years in the sales and marketing industry, where he developed corporate training programs and was responsible for recruitment and retention, as well as employee motivation and reward. In 2004, he retrained as a teacher and became a Specialist Educational Coach. In 2009, Seager moved to Russia and continued to work with clients, combining educational training and coaching. Seager graduated from the Institute of Life Coach Training as an ICF Associate Certified Coach in 2013. He holds a diploma in Psychology. His book, “The Little Handbook of Happiness,” about creating positive habits for change, is due to be published later this year. For more information, e-mail info@businessrelations.com
