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Women Bullying Women in the Workplace
June 10, 2009
By Surjeet Rai-Lewis
Just the mention of women treating other women badly in the workplace seemingly shakes the women's movement to its core.
It is what Peggy Klaus, an executive coach in Berkeley, California, calls "the pink elephant" in the room. How can a woman break through the glass ceiling if she is constantly ducking verbal blows from other women in meeting rooms, cubicles, and hallways?
Women are reluctant to talk about it because it is "so antithetical to the way we are supposed to behave towards other women," says Klaus. "We are supposed to be the nurturers and the supporters."
Many women still in the workforce are hesitant to speak out for fear of making matters worse or jeopardizing their careers. A private accountant in California says she recently joined a company and was immediately frozen out by two women working there. One even pushed her during an argument in the cafeteria, the accountant says, noting, "It's as if we're back in high school."
One reason women select other women as targets probably is the assumption they will find a less confrontational person or someone less likely to respond to their aggression with aggression. Some leadership specialists speculate women are "overly aggressive" because there are too few opportunities for advancement. Or is it stereotyping, and women only are perceived as being overly aggressive? Is there a double standard at work?
"Women feel they have to be aggressive to be promoted," says Laura Steck, president of the Growth and Leadership Centre and an executive leadership coach. "Then they keep it up—when they should be collegial and collaborative as leaders."
The Workplace Bullying Institute says too many employers ignore the problem of bullying, which hits the bottom line in turnover, health-care, and productivity costs. A Canadian Researcher, Grace Lau with the University of Waterloo, found some women may sabotage one another because they feel helping their female co-workers could jeopardize their own careers.
"We believe a sense of pride in women's accomplishments is important in getting women to help one another," Ms. Lau says. "In the workplace, however, it is unlikely women will constantly think of themselves as members of one group. They will more likely see themselves as individuals, as they are judged by their performance. As a result, women may not feel a need to help one another," she explains. "They may even feel that in order to get ahead, they need to bully their co-workers by withholding information like promotion opportunities, and that women are easier to bully than men because women are supposedly less tough than men."
"The time has come for us to really deal with this relationship women have to women," says Klaus, "because it truly is preventing us from being as successful in the workplace as we want to be and should be. We've got enough obstacles: we don't need to pile on anymore."
What to do if you are being bullied?
• Let the bully know what the behavior is, and how it is affecting you. Having investigated a number of these situations, it is safe to say many bullies don't see their behavior as inappropriate. When confronted and asked to stop, they, more often than not, cease the behavior.
• If you can't talk to them, or they won't listen, speak to someone in authority. You have the right to a safe workplace. If you can't speak to your boss, find someone of authority whom you trust, and talk to them.
• If you aren't comfortable with any of the above, or the issue still is not resolved, go to your human resources department. They are trained to deal with these issues and will insure there is closure.
• You can file a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.
What to do if you are a manager of someone being bullied?
In following the guidelines below, be sure all conversations are confidential and only involve essential parties. Content is shared with only those who need to know.
• Take it seriously. Understand what the behavior is and address it. Being bullied is a personal perception and the one being bullied feels victimized. It doesn't matter if you disagree, help the parties to understand the issue and find a mutually agreeable path forward. If you need to bring in other parties, be sure to let the victim know.
• Ask your peer to either coach you or be part of the discussion. If you are a male manager dealing with woman to woman bullying, and feel a woman's perspective would be helpful, discuss with a trusted peer whom the women involved also will trust. If you do bring your peer into the discussion, be sure to notify all parties.
• Do not accept bullying or inappropriate behavior as someone's eccentricity, especially if they are normally a top performer.
Just because they can do the job doesn't condone disrespectful behavior.
• Utilize your human resources department. They are trained to address these issues, and either can become directly involved or provide you with coaching.
• Doing nothing is not an option!
Surjeet Rai-Lewis is chief executive office of Masala Consulting. She has more than 25 years of experience as a human resources and organization development specialist in Toronto, Canada, and says she is "committed to shaping work environments that focus on motivation through passion."
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