“The Power of Nice” shares Ron Shapiro’s negotiation strategies in an insightful, entertaining manner, with updated stories and examples from his 40 years of real-world experience. Based on his systematic approach, the 3 Ps—Prepare, Probe, and Purpose—each chapter delves into how to make a deal that makes both sides feel they’ve won. Chapter 1 looks at the four objectives you can expect when negotiating:
1. Displaying Confidence. The most effective negotiators tend to be the most confident negotiators. Conversely, negotiators who are less confident are less effective. So how do you get confidence and become a better negotiator? Get smart.
Lack of confidence is mostly lack of knowledge. Knowledge is power. You will be armed with the knowledge it takes to deal from strength. You won’t be cocky; you’ll be confident. The former is imitating someone who knows what he’s doing; the latter is the person who the cocky person is imitating.
2. Achieving WIN–win. Today, everybody talks about win–win negotiation. Both sides win. Both get what they want. Both are equally happy. How delightful. How unrealistic.
If we negotiators were seeking truly equal terms and deals, like King Solomon, we’d simply divide everything in half. In reality, we’re out to achieve all (or most) of our goals, to make our most desirable deal. But the best way to do so is to let the other side achieve some of their goals, to make their acceptable deal. That’s WIN–win: maximize your win, but don’t forget theirs. The most common approach to dealmaking is I Win–You Lose, the pound-of-flesh school—the only good deal for me is a bad deal for you. The unfortunate fate of too many negotiations is:
We both lose.
Or…
If I can’t win, nobody can.
We’ll show you how to avoid both of these negative categories.
3. Using the 3 Ps. There’s an old saying, “If all you have in your toolbox is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.” The same holds true for negotiation. More tools enable you to solve more problems. Better tools enable you to find longer-lasting, more enriching solutions.
Prepare, Probe, and Propose are the first of the tools that we’ll put in your negotiator’s toolbox.
There is no secret formula that will enable you to get what you want every time you negotiate. But we have created a systematic approach—a step-by-step program—that, if repeated and mastered, will maximize your results. Like all good systems, this one is simple:
Prepare, Probe, and Propose.
That’s it. Close the book, you’ve learned it. Well, it’s not quite that simple. We’ll show you how to prepare better than the other side; how to probe so you know what they want and why; and how to propose without going first and revealing too much, to avoid impasses or getting backed into a corner, but still achieving what you want. As you’ll see, negotiation is a process, not an event.
4. Handling Tough Negotiations. Welcome to the real world of dealmaking. Unfortunately, it’s full of tough negotiators and tough negotiations. Some people think you have to be a bad guy to be a good negotiator. So they act the part. Some aren’t really so awful but have to answer to an awful boss who demands that they act the part. Sometimes, the negotiation itself may be brutal. The time, terms, or goals may be so difficult to meet that the process turns loathsome, even if the person opposite you isn’t.
The tools in your negotiator’s toolbox will enable you to deal with the toughest people and situations, from neutralizing animosity, to breaking deadlocks, to knowing when the best deal is no deal. You’ll learn how to out-negotiate the bad guys without becoming one of them.
One more thing: If you’ve been around sports long enough, you know the value of a good pep talk—whether it’s Herb Brooks talking to the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, the “miracle on ice”; Gene Hackman as the coach in Hoosiers; Babe Ruth talking to a sick kid in the hospital; or Pat O’Brien invoking the memory of the Gipper (Ronald Reagan in his second-most-famous role) in Knute Rockne, All American. It can make players play harder, forget their shortcomings, and literally change the fate of the game.
Excerpt from Chapter 1 of “The Power of Nice” by Ron Shapiro; it is significantly updated and revised from the original 2001 edition.
Ron Shapiro is the founder of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute, a negotiation seminar and consulting firm that offers training programs and deal coaching worldwide. He’s had a varied career as a civil rights and corporate lawyer, state securities commissioner, sports agent, entrepreneur, community leader, and business executive. Shapiro advises an array of corporate and political leaders and team executives and has represented Hall of Fame players, helped settle a major symphony orchestra strike, diffused racial tension in a metropolitan police department, raised millions of dollars for charitable causes, and assisted in ending Major League Baseball’s historic labor deadlock. In addition, Shapiro is a New York Times bestselling author; his books include “Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People”; “Dare to Prepare”; “Perfecting Your Pitch”; and “The Power of Nice.”
